Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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