it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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