when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
