this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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