I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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