Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
