What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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