the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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