I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
