Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
