Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
