I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
