she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wish my penis had a tongue
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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