I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
