we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
