The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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