I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm both gender and math confused
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
