I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
