You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
