belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
