and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
