there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
