I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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