I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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