I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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