sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
