He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
