he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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