playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
