First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
