I am midnight drunk by noon
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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