I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
