did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
