yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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