my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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