I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
