Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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