i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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