if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
