What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
