Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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