my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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