he thought i was a dude.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
