In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
