dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
