i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
