I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
