Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
