nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
