Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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