I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
