Whod you bang
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
