I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
