My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
