i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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