He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
