Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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