Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
